1. |
Crackhead John
00:23
|
|||
|
Crackhead John Crackhead John
He's got a dick it's one inch long
John you'd better quit this place
John you'd better wash your face
Fuck you
John worked at the theater and for some reason most of us didn't care for him. Probably because we were stupid kids. We wrote a mean song about him. This is also the first song we ever wrote.
|
||||
2. |
Andrew
00:26
|
|||
|
Andrew Wilson you don't shut up
why don't you shut the fuck up?
fuck you.
Andrew worked at the theater also and was older than us but he felt like he was a lot younger because he was raised in a strict christian household and most likely was home schooled. He had no social skills and never shut up about anything. He always had "underground information." Usually about things like "Michael Jordan is gonna coach the bulls next year. He seems to be terrible still. All these years later.
|
||||
3. |
Daniel
00:31
|
|||
|
Texas tie leather vest
flesh eating virus is the best
he's the porno dracula
fuck you
Daniel managed the theater. He had a flesh eating virus which seemed really weird. I'd never seen that before. He had long grey porn star hair and wore a bolo tie. He also dressed a bit like Dracula. He said funny things sometimes like telling Andrew that his 5 year old son could do Andrew's job better.
|
||||
4. |
Quit My Job
00:30
|
|||
|
I'm gonna quit my job to be a slob
I'm gonna give up work to be a full time jerk
quit my job
fuck you
I think this was my first attempt at writing a generic punk rock song that wasn't really about anyone at the theater. I think a lot of people wanted to quit their jobs though. Over the years this song has gotten much faster and the back up vocal is almost impossible to understand.
|
||||
5. |
Davey
01:04
|
|||
|
dressing up just like AFI
worship Davey til you die
goth rock seems to be the latest trend
but soon it will be over and you won't have any friends
black lipstick no friends
eyeliner no friends
leather pants no friends
goth rock band no friends
fuck you
AFI was popular and had recently released Black Sails in the Sunset. Lots of people thought the style was cool. There's probably seven or eight people we knew at the time that could've thought they were the inspiration for this song.
|
||||
6. |
Tim
00:14
|
|||
|
Might Tim Sweetin
Fuck you
Tim was another manager at the theater. He was awesome and gave us all workout supplements called Ripped Fuel. He called them happy pills and they would get us all crazy energized and we'd work fast and act stupid... and sweat a lot. He also would announce us over the loud speaker while the theater was really busy. On register 3 Matt Hemingway! After some years he managed another theater and I almost took a job there. When I didn't he called me a rat bastard.
|
||||
7. |
Lloyd
00:27
|
|||
|
Drinks a gallon of milk a day
and eats yogurt cause he's gay
Lloyd Lloyd Lloyd
Fuck you.
Lloyd was an awesome projectionist/manager. He worked out like crazy and drank tons of milk and coffee. He basically was a black haired Johnny Bravo. We would hang out at his apartment after work and people would drink and smoke and such. We were stupid at the time and thought calling people gay was funny. It's not. Now that we're not 18 anymore we know that.
|
||||
8. |
Kevin
00:24
|
|||
|
Fuck you you fuckin uppity bitch
I'll hit you with a fucking bat
I'll hit you with my baseball bat
Fuck you
Kevin was totally ridiculous. He was really loud and shitty to people. We all loved it though. He would constantly quote the Adam Sandler toll booth sketch and that is all this song is.
|
||||
9. |
Kid With Glasses
00:14
|
|||
|
Kid with glasses kid with glasses
give us free pizza or we'll kick your asses.
fuck you
The kid with glasses worked at Pizza Hut at the mall that our theater was in. He sucked a lot because he wouldn't give us free pizza very often. His manager, Sunshine, always gave us free pizza though. The pizza was in exchange for free movies. I still don't know why kid with glasses didn't want free movies. Fuck that kid.
|
||||
10. |
Sunshine
00:21
|
|||
|
Sunshine on a cloudy day
give us free pizza when we have no money
Sunshine Sunshine
Fuck you
Sunshine was the manager at Pizza Hut and gave us free pizza all the damn time. She was a really cute blonde girl that actually had the name Sunshine on her name tag. Who knows what her actual name was.
|
||||
11. |
Craig
00:27
|
|||
|
Craig you need to cut your hair
I think I see some rats up there
Cut your hair
Fuck you
Craig worked at the theater and had nasty long hair. He really needed to cut it and I'm told that in the last fifteen years he has cut it. Tom swears that Craig brought a dead mouse or rat to school in his trenchcoat.
|
||||
12. |
Joe
00:29
|
|||
|
Sacco Joe Sacco
Sacco your first name's Joe
WHHOOOOOAAAAAHHHHH!!!!!!
Fuck you
Joe worked at the theater. Duh. He loved to impersonate the whooooaaaahhh from the Xmen game. I think it was a Colossus thing. I wasn't that cool to be that nerdy. Shit.
|
||||
13. |
Henke
00:46
|
|||
|
He can play a mean solo
even though he's a fuckin homo
Fuck you
Chris Henke sat next to me in homeroom forever. He also worked at the theater and could shred some guitar. I don't think he ever wrote anything but he could play leads all day. Homo was the only word I could think of that rhymed with solo. Kids are stupid as shit.
|
||||
14. |
Dave Ahrman
00:24
|
|||
|
Dave Ahrman Dave Ahrman you smoke crack
Dave Ahrman Dave Ahrman you hurt your back
Dave was a manager at the theater and probably only smoked pot, but he was always complaining that his back was illin so we had to say crack. Mat K does an awesome impression of Dave at the end of this song. Dave Ahrman is not the same Dave as USA all the way Dave. This is one of the only two inch songs that doesn't end with fuck you. We forgot because Mat did his impression and then we laughed.
|
||||
15. |
Emilio
00:42
|
|||
|
Emilio Estevez
I'd vote for you to be my prez
Emilio Estevez
Like my daddy never says
not much rhymes with Estevez
Fuck you
One day Mat and I were playing music in my parents basement and Mat came up with these 2 guitar parts. We didn't have words so we played the music for Tom and he decided to write it about Emilio Estevez, who is awesome. Later in another band called Johnny Law with Mat and Charlie I wrote another song called Repo Man.
|
||||
Two Inch Winky Cincinnati, Ohio
Featuring former / founding members of The Dopamines, Two Inch Winky is a Punk Rock band formed at a second-run movie theater in 1999 by three co-workers with too much free time and a shared love of the original Queers lineup. Two Inch Winky writes short, fast songs in an effort to make themselves laugh. Some listeners would say it's dumb. Others would say it's REALLY dumb. ... more
If you like Two Inch Winky, you may also like:
Dead Cross, Retox, and Qui members dish out subversive hardcore with an indignant smirk; come for the riffs, stay for the synth experiments.
go to album
This Is All We Ever Get
by SPACED
Knockout debut from a Buffalo, New York-based hardcore band who like their riffs sick, their drums fast, and their choruses sticky-sweet.
go to album
Shybaby kicks out the jams on “Is This Intimate,” a snarling rock record that takes no prisoners.
go to album
On their ferocious self-titled debut, the Australian punks pit d-beat percussion against gnarled, metallic melodies.
go to album
Escape From New York
by Cash Bribe
New York hardcore meets classic thrash metal meets Jane's Addiction-esque alternative on the Brooklyn crushers' sensational debut.
go to album
Jagged post-punk from Sydney captures the sound of the ’70s in its acute angled guitars and detacted vocals.
go to album
Revved-up and totally askew post-punk from Buffalo’s Ismatic Guru, with guitars that corkscrew like mad.
go to album
